The Grief of Losing Someone You Never Truly Had

Seeing the man who was once obsessed with her turn into the cruelest person she ever met is a grief she will never forget. Narcissistic abuse often disguises itself as love in the beginning—charming, consuming, intoxicating. But when the mask slips, the cruelty cuts deeper than most can imagine.

Trauma Bond vs. Addiction: Why It’s So Hard to Leave

“It’s been one year and two months since I saw her,” I reflected, “but she aged by twenty years.” Trauma bonds take a toll not only on the heart but also on the body. Stress, hypervigilance, and emotional exhaustion wear people down.

She once told me, “I think it’s easier to come off heroin than it is to get out of a trauma bond.” And she was right. Addiction rewires the brain, and so does toxic love. Trauma bonds flood the nervous system with cycles of fear, hope, and despair—making the pull back toward the abuser feel impossible to resist.

How Narcissistic Abuse Changes the Brain and Heart

I knew this all too well. After narcissistic abuse, your brain changes. Your capacity to trust and to love shifts. Your nervous system learns to expect chaos, leaving you craving intensity over peace. Much like an alcoholic who hasn’t touched the bottle for years but still identifies as one—survivors of abuse carry the imprint of trauma in their bodies.

This doesn’t mean healing is impossible. It means recovery requires vigilance, support, and distance.

The Rule of Recovery: Stay Away

Just like sobriety, staying free from a trauma bond means one thing: no contact. Survivors often underestimate how easily old wounds reopen with a single call, a single text, or a single memory. To protect the healing process, boundaries must become non-negotiable.

Finding Hope After Narcissistic Abuse

While grief lingers, it doesn’t define the rest of the story. Healing from narcissistic abuse is a long journey, but survivors can learn to trust again, to love in healthier ways, and to reclaim their identity. Every step away from the trauma bond is a step back toward freedom.